The Werewolf, the Blonde, and the Potatoes
by Technician Fan
Summary: Jacob at his best with his blonde jokes! But then all goes wrong when Rosalie remembers that she vowed to get revenge on him for getting food in her hair . . . . here's how!


**The Werewolf, the Blonde, and the Potatoes**

**By Technician Fan**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

**A/N: I randomly thought of this idea while mowing the lawn, so it's a little weird. But I always loved this little "I hate you" relationship between Rosalie and Jacob, and I love the moment when he got food in her hair, and she said she'd get him back for it. So here's how. **

**Jacob's POV:**

**I sighed and my stomach growled with hunger. I was in the bloodsucker's house, watching a football game with Emmett. Rosalie was leaning up against him, reading a book, and Esme was cooking up something for Seth, Leah, and I to eat. Bella was with Renesmee at their cottage/house thing, and everyone else was out hunting, though they were due back at anytime now. **

**Esme flitted into the room as silent as ever and handed me a dish before going outside for Seth and Leah. I looked down at my steak, corn, and potatoes. Seeing the potatoes reminded me of a blonde joke that Leah had mentioned. **

"**Hey, Blondie," I said. She didn't look up from her book. "I got another blonde joke for you." **

"**Like I really care," she replied, flipping a page. **

**Emmett looked at me with curiosity, as if you say, "Go on, tell the joke!" Esme came back in and sat down with the same expression, obviously hearing us from outside. **

**I smiled and said, "Okay, here it goes. There were these four girls, one with red hair, one with black hair, one with brown hair, and one with blonde hair. They were speeding on the highway when the cops showed up and started chasing them. They got off the highway and drove for a while before pulling over at a farm. They went inside the barn to hide. **

"**The redhead hid behind a horse. The girl with black hair hid behind a cow, the one with brown hair hid behind a sheep, and the blonde hid behind a sack of potatoes. The cops came by and recognized the car, so they went into the barn to investigate. **

"'**Is anybody behind the horse?' asked the cops.**

"'**Neigh' said the redhead. **

"**The cops then went up to the cow. 'Is anybody behind the cow?' they asked." **

"**The girl with black hair said, 'Moo.'**

"**The cops went over to the sheep. 'Is anybody behind the sheep?'**

"'**Baa' said the girl with the brown hair. **

"**The cops finally arrived at the sack of potatoes. 'Is anybody behind the sack of potatoes?' they asked. **

"**The blonde, being as stupid as blondes are, said, 'PO—TA—TOES!' Ha-ha, get it? Potatoes don't make a sound and she said 'PO—TA—TOES!' Haha!" I started laughing. Esme was trying to politely cover up her laughing and she had to look away. Emmett started to laugh a bit louder until Rosalie glared at him, which shut him up. **

"**I love my life," I sighed, sitting back and smiling. **

**Rosalie's face suddenly lightened up. She turned to look at me. "Hey, mutt, remember the time you got food in my hair?" **

"**Oh, yeah! That was another funny time. Oh, this day just keeps getting better and . . ." I cut off when I noticed that she, too, was smiling. Uh-oh. **

"**Then you also remember that I said that I would get my revenge, right?" She asked, the smile on her face getting scarier and scarier. Oh crap.**

**Emmett laughed again. "You are in trouble, Jake. When she gets her revenge, she gets her revenge. I mean it. Hey, Rose, what are you going to do to him?" **

**She kept her fierce eyes on me while she spoke to him. "Remember what I did to Edward the first week we arrived in Alaska? When he tried to pull a prank on me?" **

**Emmett's eyes grew wide. "Yeah! That was hilarious! He screamed like a girl."**

**Okay, if I was scared before, I was absolutely downright terrified now. What had she done to Edward before? **

**There was a rustling in the bushes and Alice, Jasper, and Carlisle came through the woods. Alice had a huge grin on her face. Edward, Bella, and Renesmee were right behind them. Edward's face was a mirror image of Alice's. **

"**Rosalie, this is going to be awesome! Can I help?" Alice asked. Rosalie nodded and Alice squealed in delight. **

**I turned to Edward, who was also smiling. "What did Rosalie do to you the first week you arrived in Alaska when you tried to pull a prank on her?" I asked him, the fear showing in my voice. **

**He shrugged. "I'd tell you, but then I'd be ripped apart and burned by Rose and Alice." **

"**I hate life," I muttered. **

**Rosalie turned to Bella. "Keep Renesmee away. I think this would be all too much of a shocker for her." **

"**Here, I'll take her upstairs to my bedroom," Esme said, holding out her hand for Renesmee. Bella handed her over and Esme walked up the stairs. **

**Rosalie must have thought of something else to do, because the next thing I knew, I was knocked unconscious by a sudden blow to the back of my head. **

*** * * * ***

**I later awoke to the sound of laughter. I fluttered my eyes open and I saw that we were behind the house. I examined what they did to me; I was in a standing position, held aloft by a rope that was attached to a big oak. My eyes ran down the rope and I saw that it was attached to my underwear, which was the only thing I was wearing. I screamed and the laughter grew louder. **

"**That's not all, dog," Rosalie said. She walked over to me and handed me a mirror. I gasped at what was reflected. My face was absolutely covered in make-up; eyeliner, eye shadow, mascara, blush, and lipstick. Heavily put on. I looked like a freaking clown! Why did this have to be me? "You see, this is what happens when you mess with a blonde bitch like me." Everyone laughed again. **

**I looked up at a sudden movement in a window in the house. Esme was in the window with Renesmee, who was thankfully asleep, in her arms. She waved and smiled. **

"**Emmett, if you will do the honors," Rosalie said, backing up a few steps and grabbing the mirror out of my hands. **

**I looked over and saw Emmett holding the other end of the rope. He's not going to do what I think he is, is he?**

"**Sure thing, Babe," he said. **

**He smiled at me before tugging on the rope. Yep, he was doing what I thought he was doing. I flew into the air, letting out another scream. Oh, man, wedgie. Like, major wedgie! This hurts so bad. I looked down and saw Emmett tying the rope to another tree as to leave me up like this for a long time. I was about forty feet up in the air, and the wedgie hurt so much that I didn't try to swing myself over to and untie the rope. **

**They all walked into the house, leaving me here. Before she walked in, Rosalie turned back around and said, "PO—TA—TOES!"**

**A/N: Well, you like it? As I said before, it was a random idea, so I can see if you don't like it. But please, I would like to know what you think, so leave a review! Pretty please? **


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